JonBonnet Trojan

[Anonymous <nobody@replay.com>]

!!! BOLDER NUTLY NEWS SPECIAL !!!

[Disgruntled Access Graphics Customer #05987-196 tried not to get a
Swelled Head over the title of Laurence Schiller's book, "Perfect Murder -
Perfect City."

"Well, not *Perfect*..." he said, then added, with an Evil Lecherous Grin,
"... but Close Enough 4 the Little Girls that *I* go with!"

	You Don't Have 2B OR !2B A. Postal Worker 2B Disgruntled:
#05987-196, sitting in Prison eight months after-the-fact, still broke
into a sweat everytime he thought about the agonizing wait he had endured
as U.S. Treasury Agent Jeff Gordon went through his Mazda pickup truck
after his arrest in Beautiful Downtown Tucson, Arizona - Home of the
Copper Bowl.
	He waited, nervously, to discover whether IRS Agent Gordon would
have his pickup seized, to be gone over with a fine-toothed comb by
experts - in the True BGelief that SoonToBeFederalGovernmentPrisoner
#05987-196 was *truly* a threat to GovernMint Offal$chill$ - or whether
the Agent of the ReptilianNaziMoneyMonger$ would content himself with
making a quick search to `Discover' evidence which he already knew to be
in the pickup - some of it planted by GovernMent Agent$, and some of it
planted by The UnUsualSuspects, themselves.

	The Sins of Access Graphics' Fathers Shall Be Visited Upon The
Children: #05987-196 had sighed with relief as Agent Gordon had given
only a GraphicCursoryGlance to the Duct Tape, the Cord, and the Cellulous
Fiber Material of a type commonly used in the manufacture of pre-built
homes such as those made by Shelter Industries - those that are Pure
Fucking Hell to design with FAULTY CAD-DRAWING EQUIPMENT which is
purchased from *Access Graphics*, who leave their Vallue Added Canadian
ReSellers HUNG OUT TO FREEZE DRY in the vast MS-DOS wasteland of CAD
systems, particularly when the Computer Merchant is already UP TO HIS ASS
IN ALLIGATORS AND ORPHAN ZOMBIE ALLIGATORS who make EUNUCHS of Santa Cruz
Operations Victims of 'Multi-Screen Personality Syndrome.'

	FOURGEN DROVE ME CRAZY!!! BUT IT'S ACCESS GRAPHIC BLOOK ON THE
BACK OF THE BABY SEAL-SKIN COAT! #05987-196 still found it hard to believe
that a wide variety of LEA Investigators in Boulder had completely
overlooked the RitualSignificance of:
1. the Paint Brush - representing an Access Graphics drawing tool,
2. The Cord - which could be manipulated to form a wide variety of shapes
- just as Access Graphics CAD Drawing Instruments SHOULD allow a Vendor's
Customer to QuicklyAndEasily stretch a circle into a straight line, but
*Instead* IT'S LIKE PUTTING A CIRCULAR CORD AROUND A CHILD'S NECK AND
STRETCHING IT FURTHER, FURTHER, TIGHTER AND TIGHTER... until it's finally
time for a cigarette, afterward.

	Please! Stop Me Before I Smoke Again! #05987-196 had, for the
first time in ages, felt the Fear of Discover that comes from the Small
SeeminglyInsigificantDetails of a Crime appearing to Shout Out the Guild
of the Perpetrator - at least to HimOrHerOrItSelf.
	UnSuspected Perpetrator #05987-196 continued to watch in disbelief
as even intelligent investigative reporters such as Laurence Schiller
misinterpreted the Time Element as indicating The Killer (TM) had no Fear
of discovery - instead of realizing that it indicated that The Killer (TM)
-- not to be confused with The Real KIllers (TM) of Ron&Nicole -- might be
someone who had trouble remaining aware of and keeping track of TIME --
someone with Attention Deficit Disorder, for instance...
	Someone whose Obsessive Compulsive Disorder while causing them to
lose track of the Time during the cleaning up of Small TellTale Details of
the Stellar Cellar CrimeScene, would result in the area being left
Virtually UnTouched - as in the Wake of the Launching of the Gorilla Nutly
Gnus Network (GNGN-70.9 FM) -- except for a Palm Print left behind while
replacing the Scotch Bottle in its original position; perhaps a FootPrint
from the Footware which would later be discarded anyway; and the leaving
of misleading signs and evidence around certain areas as the Cellar
Window, and the Dryer.

	The Fear of Discovery Truly felt by the Bolder Boulder Butcher
would inevitably lead to HisOrHerOrIts building sence of GenuineGuilt -
even in the TotoAl Absence of Remorse - resulting in HimOrHerOrIt leaving
a Vital Tell-Tale Trail of Clues scattered throughout HisOrHerOrIts
MadRamblings on the InterNet.
 -- A `Cowboy' whose mind becamem `Dazed&Confused,' his thinking `Fuzzy,'
ever time he thought about a certain prepubescent, nubile young girl,
Code-Named Alexis...
 -- A `Cowboy' who claims to specialize in spreading
FearUncertainty&Disinformation in his wake, but whose clues tell us, in
his Epilogue to InfoWar: "On the battlefield of Encryption, the war is
over *ACCESS*. On the battlefield of VirtualPrivateNetworks, the battle is
for ACCESS."
 -- A CyberSitter From HELL!!! who Authored the "KILL THE CHILDREN!"
Special, while gazing out over the Enormous Garden at his home in the
SmallSaskatchewanVillage of Bienfait.
 -- An Enormous GraveSite, mocking the Cemetary on the opposite side of
the Railway Tracks across from the home.
 -- An Enormous NineInchLugie Nailing the Royal Canadian Muddled Police
right in their Virtual Pubic CrossHairs as Space Aliens Hide My Drugs!
SCREAMED OUT the presence of Human Bodies buried in the Bienfait garden -
a Garden, which remains untouched by the Mounties to this day!
 -- A TruthMonger <tm@dev.null> whose GraphiCube references throughout the
True Story Of The InterNet leave clues indicating that the Mythical
`Transponder' which left an Indelible Impression in a young Alexis' head -
or was it in the head of young JonBonnet? - was actually an item sold by
Access Graphics... an item which, if one is to believe the `Transponder
Plaque' analogy in the Cowboy's "Epilogue," can be traced to Pearl Harbor
Computers - owned and operated by none other than Disgruntled Access
Graphics Customer #05987-196... currently under indictment for Obsessively
Fixating On and threatening the Life of yet another Prepubescent/Youthful
Individual with a Troubled Business History, connected with Pearl Harbor
Computers -- William Gates III!

	Which raises the question...
	Did U.S. Treasury Agent Jeff Gordon, in his sloppy handling of an
IRS Setup in which only *already*known* `Evidence' was `Discovered' in a
Sham search, irretrivably throw away the KeyEvidence in the JonBonnet
Ramsey murder investigation, by giving over possession of Disgruntled
Access Graphics Customer #05987-196's Mazda PickUp to a Friend &OR&
Accomplice of the scene - a Shady Character who himself had only recently
SlippedThroughTheGrasp of the Arizona Attorney General's Office?
	Irregardless, the JonBonnet Ramsey Murder Evidence would
undoubtedly be tainted by the Incompetent Actions of Agent Gordon and
Agent Spittoon, who got more than just Egg all over his face during the
arrest of the FutureSuspectedChildMurderer.
	Can the BolderBoulderBabyCerealKiller - whose Pearl Harbor
Computers' comany motto was "It Ain't Over 'Till It's Over" - be stopped?

	The answer to that question now lies in the hands of JamIt
ReamHole's SlimySeattleSolicitor, U.S. Attorney Robb London, whose brother
Jack was also an Author, from the Great White Snort - a fact which may
give him an edge in SteamRolling A SnowBall UpTheAss of the Canadian
CerealKiller FrostBack of Notre Dame and RailRoading HimOrHerOrIt Up The
Creek without a Paddle Or a PotToPissIn - ending HisOrHerOrIts CypherPunk
Career.

	Ironically, just before the news of CattleCar Citizen #05987-196's
link to the JonBonnet Ramsey Murder, Federal Prosecutor London had been
having conscientious misgivings about RailRoading and innocent victim of
the IRS's wrath and might have given in to his Conscience, if he had not
been reminded by former L.A. Police Officer Mark Fuhrman, "He may not be
guilty of this - but *everybody's* guilty of *something*..."

TOMORROW: "The Mazda, Fuhrman, and the Snotty Glove"
 -- FBI ballistics experts testify that the Magic Lugie bounced off of
Treasury Agent Spittoon's face at the FederalCorrection Institute -
Tucson, hit the !SoFunny Bone of a man presenting Bill Gates with a
Ceremonial Magic Circle Pie, and they ended up next to a SpermStain on a
blanket left in the JonBonnet Ramsey DeathHouse by her older brother.

NEXT WEEK: "The Monica Lewinski - Paul Harvey Affair"
 -- Monica spits out `the rest of the story...'